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The Top 10 Reasons Your Team Won't Win a College Football Title | Starting QB is a double major in Quantum Physics and Cybersecurity with a 4.0 GPA and severe scoliosis. Team trainer buys the players' supplements at T.J. Maxx. Your State University Literalists refuse to touch the ball with anything but their foot. The center is REALLY ticklish. The only things your wide receivers have caught this season are STDs. Your fearsome middle linebacker? Timmy "Twink" Blaine. Your school mascot is a corn dog. So many fleeing players, the clogged transfer portal had to be cleared by first responders. Starting quarterback refuses to play if anybody else shows up wearing the same outfit. Coach's post-game presser: "Those guys were cheating! Their field's yardage markers increase on one side of the field, but decrease on the other!"
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The Top 10 Reasons Your Team Won't Win a College Football Title | Selected from 64 submissions sent in by 23 contributors. Writer credits: Starting QB is a double major in Quantum and Cybersecurity with a 4.0 GPA and severe scoliosis. (Jeremy Shelley, Possum Trot, KY) Team trainer buys the players' supplements at T.J. Maxx. (Mark Weiss, Austin, TX) Your State University Literalists refuse to touch the ball with anything but their foot. (Dave Wesley, Sacramento, CA) The center is REALLY ticklish. (Nathan C. Sherman, Bellevue, WA) The only things your wide receivers have caught this season are STDs. (Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY) Your fearsome middle linebacker? Timmy "Twink" Blaine. (Richard Koppinger, Hamilton, NJ | Mike Ranston, Scottsdale, AZ) Your school mascot is a corn dog. (Mark Zinck, Grand Rapids, MI) So many fleeing players, the clogged transfer portal had to be cleared by first responders. (Bill Muse, Seattle, WA) Starting quarterback refuses to play if anybody else shows up wearing the same outfit. (Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA) Coach's post-game presser: "Those guys were cheating! Their field's yardage markers increase on one side of the field, but decrease on the other!" (Carl Knorr, Schaumburg, IL | Tim H. Richweis, New Haven, CT)

Top5 for 1/15/25