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NOTE FROM CHRIS:

Today we have a special romantic edition for you, featuring
Valentine's Day cards from Elon Musk and DOGE. Enjoy!
I had to dump you... USAID you would be my Valentine.
Roses are red, violets are blue. Clear out your desk, Your time here is through.
Be Mein. I Simply Musk Have You!
You can't spell "lonely" without E-L-O-N. Hope you have an incel Valentine's Day!
Don't break my heart, no matter what, as my medical benefits have been cut.
No chocolates or candy or donuts with holes feed the starving in countries we consider shitholes.
We've takent your pronouns, Terry, Taylor, and Lex. Here's a Valentine's Day card for your birth-assigned sex.
My love for thee burns bright, like the glowing embers of your democracy I just torched.
I'll give you my heart! I took all your health and financial information, so it seems like a fair trade.
Your love sends me straight to the moon, / but only on SpaceX, since NASA's gone soon!
MAGA are red, losers are blue, I'm cutting back waste, so no gift for you.
Be my Valentine. / Don't make me come over there and audit your ass!
Roses are cool, violets are hot! Our love is secure, but your data is not.
Due to personnel cutbacks, Cupid is on permanent leave. Please take the enclosed arrow and repeatedly jab yourself in the back.

Top5 for 2/14/25